My Fertility Store
Q&A
Search
Subscribe
FertilitySmarts - logo color

Author name: Candace Wohl

Trying to get Pregnant

Fertility Stories: When Building a Family Takes a Whole Family

/

Life can have a way of stopping you in your tracks and all that seemed important at that time becomes seemingly unimportant. Combine years of grinding through multiple fertility treatments, only to find out that your new herculean fight is not just infertility, but it is for your life. That the future family that you had once thought to be uncertain, has become exponentially more indefinite. I can tell you from my own experience, that there is nothing that will make you fall to your knees harder than hearing the numbing news from your doctor that carrying your pregnancy will never be an option for you. Enter in Alisia and her husband, Craig. Their story is one of true grit, love, and boundless hope. Amidst all of the heartache, something beautiful happened. The pages of their incredible story are not just written by this couple alone; two others helped change the course of what once was their overwhelming uncertainty. They say it takes a village, for Alisia and Craig it was way more than that. For them, it took several family members to help build the family they endlessly hoped to have. Here is what Alisia had to say when I asked her to get personal with FertilitySmarts: This Is Us Craig and I actually went to the same high school. He is two years older than me and I didn’t know him personally, but I knew of him. One summer night in 2006, I was out with my friends in downtown Norfolk where Craig and I ran into each other. We recognized each other, started talking, kept in touch, and eventually started dating. Fast forward five years from there, we got married and had just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary! Craig works as a marketing manager for a railroad company, and I am a project manager for a healthcare company. We both love traveling, enjoying the outdoors and spending quality time with our family. We are both very close to our families and are so excited to have one of our own. How Our Fertility Journey Started In 2008 I received a kidney transplant from my younger brother, and after having two kidney rejection episodes, my doctors strongly encouraged me not to try to get pregnant both for my health and the health of my unborn child. A few years later, my sister Stephanie, nonchalantly suggested that she would carry our baby for us, but back then I didn’t really think anything of it because I wasn’t yet seriously trying to start a family. Craig and I had a plan that we would focus on and enjoy just being married for a few years and then talk about starting a family. So in 2014, we talked to my doctors about our options, again they advised that I not try to get pregnant. That’s when I went to my sister, and with no pressure at all, I asked her if she was serious about being a gestational surrogate. She was! Treatment Milestones My most memorable milestone was my first egg retrieval. Everyone tells you that you shouldn’t get your hopes up when trying for the first time with IVF because it rarely works the very first time. I just knew that I would be part of the few that would tell the story that it worked for us the first time. I was so excited; I took pictures when my first package of injections came in and even got excited every evening when it was time for Craig to give me my injections. I had a decent number of really nice sized follicles, but unfortunately, I woke up from my first egg retrieval to my doctor telling me she found nothing. Yes, nothing as in zero eggs. I knew there was a possibility that at my age and will my health history that I may not have a ton of eggs— but nothing? I was devastated, and it took me a while to get over it and start looking into what went wrong and find out what the next protocol would be to try all over again. Continuing to believe that it would work for us along with the prayers, support, and encouragement of our family and friends kept us pushing forward. Where are we now? After almost four years of appointments, medications, infertility shots, multiple egg retrievals, various procedures for my sister to make sure we had the best chance of a successful cycle, our daughter arrived in August 2018!! On the morning of August 4th, 2018 Craig and I were able to witness the bravery of my sister giving birth to our daughter. We will never forget that moment and will always be grateful to my sister, Stephanie, for the sacrifices she’s made so that we could have our daughter, Audrey. These days we are settling into our new normal while watching our little one grow by the day. What I Want You to Know Not having a child does not make you less than a woman. Being a mother does not complete your life or make your life any less important than anyone else’s. If you are struggling with infertility and are on a journey to start a family of your own, please be sure to enjoy your current life each day because your time will come. I was in a place where life was about the next IVF cycle. I rushed the months by because I was so focused on the next stimulation, trigger shot and egg retrieval dates. Keep trying to live and enjoy your life in the meantime. Also, don’t feel guilty about not telling people what you’re going through in your own infertility journey. It’s your personal story and when or if you have to plan to have a child is no one’s business. But when you’re ready to talk about it, know your story will likely help someone out there who feels alone or feels like infertility isn’t as common as

Coping with Infertility

Fertility Stories: Happiness Doesn’t Always Have A Double Line.

/

Sometimes fertility treatments do not end in a positive pregnancy test. Undergoing assisted reproductive technology (ART) is overwhelmingly taxing on every facet of a couple’s life, even to the point of destroying relationships. At what point do you decide to stop treatment? Kristy and Dave have had their fair share of obstacles. Military families sacrifice so much, lack of coverage, and of course, pausing family-building efforts until the family is reunited after deployment. I met Kristy years ago at a local infertility support group meeting. She was the outgoing one, laughing and cracking jokes about her vagina and her stirrup shenanigans. Kristy is the kind of person that resets the thermostat in a room with joy when you meet her. Together, Kristy and Dave share a different and very real perspective on their fertility struggle, and I admire them for their ability to step out of the darkness and find happiness—even when the outcome was not what they had hoped for. Here is what Kristy had to say when I asked her to get personal with FertilitySmarts: This Is Us They say opposites attract…and boy do they! Dave is extra tall, and I’m extra small! He’s over 6’6,” and I’m barely 5 foot nothing! He’s in the military, and I’m an elementary teacher. We are total opposites, but we fit together like perfect puzzle pieces when it matters. We both love each other, our dogs, reading, spending time on the ocean, fishing, discovering new places, and traveling. Our differences make us unique, but they also bring us together. I found my soul mate and am forever grateful to be on this crazy journey called life with him. Dave and I met in the summer of 2001, but it wasn’t love at first sight like most fairytales; it was more like you stay in your lane, and I’ll stay in mine! Months after working together, we finally talked, and I agreed to go out on a date with him. We were inseparable after that first date. We were quickly falling in love, and then 9/11 happened. The world changed, and so did we. Dave is in the military, and he left on September 12th. I thought we would be over, but we actually got engaged a few months later. Little did we know that our life was going to be full of ups, downs, and diagonals along the way. I had a vision, a dream, and a plan of what my love story would look like…and boy is the big guy upstairs laughing His butt off at my “plans.” How Our Fertility Journey Started Dave was deployed to Iraq a year after we were married. We decided to try for a baby “just in case” something happened to him, but we didn't get pregnant before he left. We didn’t think much of it at the time, but we decided I wouldn’t go back on birth control after he returned from deployment and just let nature take its course. Years into trying naturally, I still didn’t think anything was really wrong. I think I was just in denial because I just knew it would all work out in the end. For years, I tested, took my temperature, tracked, tried every position imaginable (including standing on my head after sex!), and nothing was working. We decided after nine years (yes, nine!) to talk to my doctor. She said we should both get tested, but to make sure Dave went in first since his tests were easier, quicker, and less expensive. We discovered quickly that we were dealing with male infertility. Treatment Milestones We decided to try intrauterine insemination (IUI) first, mainly because of the cost. I was so excited I could hardly contain it. I couldn’t sleep before my first appointment and even woke up early just so I could go in and sit in the waiting room. This was it! They told me they wanted to do an ultrasound first, and I was even excited about that. I’ve seen the movies where women get ultrasounds, laying on their backs with the belly goop going all over their belly, and the image appears on the screen. I knew there wouldn’t be a baby on the screen because my doctor said he wanted to check my follicles (whatever that was?!), and I wasn’t pregnant, but I was confused why I needed to get in stirrups. They never did that in the movies. Well, I quickly learned that this was a totally different kind of ultrasound, the kind that used a wand and no belly goop! Little did I know that I would get up close and personal with that wand many, many times in the years to come! But it would be all worth it in the end, or at least I thought. Everything went perfectly, except at the end of the two-week wait, the test was negative. I didn’t understand how this could happen. We did everything right. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t stop crying. There was only one line. One line that would become my norm. One line that would be on every single test from here on out. One line that told me my dreams of having a child would not come true—ever! One line that would determine it all. We tried a few more cycles of IUI before moving on to in vitro fertilization (IVF). We were hopeful and excited about the first round of IVF because it didn’t matter how many swimmers we had; they literally hand-picked out the best. We didn’t need millions; we only needed a few. Enough to fertilize my retrieved eggs. All my tests came back glowing! Perfect lining, perfect follicles, perfect uterus, and even perfect embryos. It was all perfect! Until I saw the one line again. It was devastating. Crushing. Life-altering. This was supposed to work! This was our answer. This was the key to our diagnosis. This. But it wasn’t. That one line reminded me again that

Coping with Infertility

Infertility Stories: Miss California, a Stuntman, and a lot of Awareness

/

Heather and Chris are a powerhouse couple. One is a beauty queen and the other has a thrill for adventure. Care to guess who is who? I met Heather a few years prior in Washington DC for a US family building advocacy fly in. In a room filled with hundreds of family building advocates, she stood out. With a beaming smile, and adorning pageantry crown and sash she was not someone I would have guessed that would be openly advocating for family building legislation. Heather made a decision to use her voice and platform to empower others to talk about infertility and that this disease can impact anyone. She turned her past wounds into awareness and used her own personal experiences to educate future generations about advocating for their own reproductive health. Here is what Heather had to share when I asked her to get personal with FertilitySmarts: Let’s Get Personal With Heather Denison This is us: My husband, Chris, and I will be celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary this year! We met in college in Illinois and shortly afterward we started dating. Chris was hired to work as a motorcycle magazine editor in California. His background with motorcycles, scuba diving, and Krav Maga eventually led him to become a stuntman in Hollywood where he’s worked on many major motion pictures. Ever since I was a little kid, my dream was to become a teacher. I think kids are the most hysterical, interesting, and inquisitive people on the planet. Their curiosity and spark are unmatched. My love of children prompted me to earn a master’s degree in Elementary Education. I taught kindergarten for four years, and fifth grade for three. Things that bring me joy, include baking and decorating cakes and cookies, circuit training (to work off the baked goods), and pageants. I have a strong love of pageantry because it combines some of my favorite things—philanthropy, glam, and goal setting. I was given the opportunity to represent the Golden State twice as Mrs. California America 2014 and Mrs. California United States 2017. In pageantry, contestants have a “platform” issue that is something they promote throughout their year. As you could probably guess, infertility support and advocacy are near and dear to my heart. I’m grateful for my experience in pageants because it’s given me a chance to spread awareness about infertility. How Our Fertility Journey Started After being pretty laid back about birth control for a few years, Chris and I started actively trying for kids in our late 20s. Months of failed attempts later, we finally booked a visit with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). Come to find out, we were shocked to be diagnosed with dual factor infertility. We both come from large families and neither one of us had any apparent indications we would be infertile. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and much later learned I also had adenomyosis. Chris was diagnosed with azoospermia, congenital absence of the vas deferens, and a carrier for cystic fibrosis. We’re a hodgepodge of fertility issues. Treatment Milestones With our combined conditions, it was clear we would never be able to conceive naturally. Our RE fast-tracked us into beginning in vitro fertilization (IVF). My naïveté about the intensity of the process was quickly shattered as the daily rounds of shots became routine. Meanwhile, most men have the awkward experience of…ahem…producing a sperm sample in a fertility clinic. However, due to his absence of the vas deferens, Chris went through an even more hands-on approach. He was scheduled for a surgical sperm extraction (TESE) around the same time as my egg retrieval. We were devastated when the urologist told us we had only six sperm to work with. SIX. They fertilized my eggs with what sperm they could find, and we crossed all our fingers and toes as we waited for an embryo report. One little embryo made it to the fifth day of development. After transfer, we learned we had a chemical pregnancy. It was completely heart wrenching. I still can’t think about it without tearing up. As many couples discover, infertility shows no mercy. Our RE wanted us to side-step the issues with Chris’s sperm and search for a donor. The urologist wasn’t ready to give up hope yet. He came up with a game plan—for three months he put Chris on Clomid which made him moody and supplements that were so strong they made him regularly nauseous. We started shopping for a new RE who would agree to let us keep trying with Chris’s sperm. Through our interviews, we found a doctor who thought my PCOS needed more careful consideration, as well. We decided to move forward with round two with our new RE. At Chris’s second TESE, the urologist reported his sperm sample looked NORMAL. What!? I burst into happy tears. FINALLY—a little hope was on the horizon. We were able to get four PGS normal embryos from that round. We transferred our best embryo and hoped for the best. We were thrilled when we learned we were pregnant! It was a rollercoaster ride—we were excited, nervous, and still guarded by our emotions. At about six weeks, I started bleeding. We were absolutely terrified. I was diagnosed with adenomyosis put on bedrest for most of my first trimester. I’m so happy to report that pregnancy was a success. Despite the months of nail-biting anxiety, our little miracle made his entrance into the world in a grand fashion. His presence in our lives suddenly made everything we’d been through seem completely worth it. He’s a very special kiddo, and we recently celebrated his second birthday. Heather Denison Where are we now? Last fall, we tried a frozen embryo transfer with another one of our PGS tested embryos. We were pretty crushed when we found out the cycle was unsuccessful. Our RE wanted to keep our momentum going and try another cycle right after. When we found out the results would be delivered a few days

Coping with Infertility

Infertility Stories: Two Moms & An Infertility Diagnosis

/

Everyone’s infertility story is wildly different. There are many ways to build a family, and it is all such a personal decision. Infertility and miscarriage also do not discriminate. Anyone can be impacted no matter your race, religion, sexual orientation, or economic status. We wanted to share some of these stories that are both raw and break the barriers of how most people perceive infertility. We have the incredible privilege to begin a new series of personal stories. It will be a glimpse into each individual’s very personal struggle. Each one, as you will read, is starkly different from one another. Carrie and Liz bravely shared the many barriers they experienced in trying to conceive as a same-sex couple with infertility and parenting after success. This is what Carrie and Liz had to say to us when we asked them to get personal with us about their infertility struggle. Let’s Get Personal With Carrie and Liz This is us: Liz and I ironically met in a sorority. I really believe it was by chance. We were both attending Radford, and I rushed a sorority in the spring she graduated from our organization. We became fast friends and well, as they say, the rest is history. We have been together for over 13 years and married for 6 years. I think we’ve been through more than the average couple. We’ve gotten through obstacle after obstacle, and it’s taken its toll on us, but here we are, stronger than ever. We’ve navigated our relationship status with unsuspecting friends and family. We’ve merged two families, nicely (if I do say so myself), and, of course, get through some very trying times with our infertility struggles. Something I am not super public about is our daughter’s medical condition. Not only did we struggle to conceive, but finding out she had a mystery heart condition definitely threw us an unexpected curveball. We are just parents after infertility trying to do our best and normalize our lives as much as possible! Hobbies? Well, they include doing things as a family. Liz travels for work often and then will work from home the rest of the time. That leaves me with our miracle twins, so I spend a lot of time alone. Because of what it took to create our family, we try to spend plenty of time together when we can. Mostly, walks at night and just taking the kids to do new things they’ve never experienced before. How Our Fertility Journey Started Maybe it was just me being naive or (stupid?), but I guess I didn’t really ever consider that we would have an infertility diagnosis. I realized that we would need to go somewhere to have a procedure done to get pregnant, but I would never have imagined we’d have infertility issues on top of that. Once we figured it out, which was a pretty heart-wrenching process, we were aggressive with treatment. Our first RE had a requirement that we had to do 3 unmediated cycles, which is when we figured out the infertility part. We ended up doing over 7 intrauterine inseminations (IUIs) and had to use many series of injectable medications. A month after Liz had her second miscarriage, we started to look into adoption. We contacted the agency and had received all of the necessary paperwork. We also attended foster family seminars and information sessions. We decided to try one last time before we went down that road and started the arduous process, and we got pregnant with our twins. Life is a real kick in the pants, isn’t it? Treatment Milestones We started treatment in 2013 when we moved back to Virginia. It began with 3 unmedicated IUI cycles that all failed. We then started a small dosage of medicine (our reproductive endocrinologist (RE) was very conservative with medication protocols) and had yet another failure. I recall it was on the 5th IUI that we got pregnant. Sadly, this was the one that eventually ends in a miscarriage. That loss was heartbreaking. We decided to do a couple more cycles without any success and came to the conclusion that our doctor wasn’t aggressive enough. That is when we found another RE. She looked over our records and decided to give us more medications and a more aggressive approach, which we agreed to. We got pregnant, but that also ended in a miscarriage and a D&C. It was traumatic for both of us, but especially for Liz because it had been her body failing her all along. The morning of her D&C, the lady next to her in recovery had just had massive egg retrieval, and I think that was a real kick in the ass for Liz. Here we were losing our baby that we worked so hard for, and the lady next to her had 30 possibilities. Two months later, in April 2016, the twins were conceived. We were worried all the time. At every appointment, every milestone. Were their hearts still beating? Did they grow from the last appointment? How was being pregnant with twins going to affect Liz’s health? It was a bittersweet combination of being both excited and so scared all at once. Where Are We Now? It’s crazy. You try for so long, and you get what you asked for (x2), and now we’re thinking about putting ourselves through it again, only this time I would carry. It’s something I have always wanted to experience. I am as optimistic as I was before we ever started this process. What We Want You to Know There are so many things that I would, and I actually do, tell people going through this experience. Don’t give up. That’s your child you’re fighting for. If you don’t feel comfortable with how your doctor is doing things, then get a second opinion. You and your child are worth that. You give up so much of yourself when you have children, but you never think it will be the

Fertility Treatment

What to Expect When Your Gestational Surrogate is Pregnant

/

Congrats! You’ve just found out your gestational carrier is pregnant. Finally, after years of waiting and innumerable months of planning, your dream of parenthood in starting turn into a reality. You also may find yourself in uncharted and unfamiliar prenatal territory. What should you expect if your gestational carrier is pregnant? Spoiler and cliché alert: Expect the unexpected. Each surrogacy partnership and pregnancy is uniquely different. There are many outliers and unforeseen factors that can take place over the course of the next 9 months. Here are few pointers on what to expect during your gestational carrier’s pregnancy. People Will Ask Questions About Surrogacy…Strange Questions People are naturally inquisitive. As surrogacy is not all that common, the vast public may not fully understand it. This means that you will receive strange questions. Know that, accept it and anticipate them. Here is the good news—you will get really good over the next 9 months of predicting when they will be asked and how you prefer to respond. Identify Potential Triggers Some instances will be centered around baby preparation such as signing up for your baby registry and selecting a pediatrician. Other questions are likely to be focused on when you decided to announce that you are expecting via gestational surrogate. Keep in mind that your family, friends, and co-workers are most likely rooting for you and will be happy to hear that you and your partner are expecting— they just might be a bit confused at first. Consider How You’ll Respond Personally, I received an onslaught of oddball questions when we first announced that we were expecting via gestational carrier. At first, I was downright appalled by some of the questions that were asked, but quickly I realized that this was an opportunity to educate people around me on why I choose the option of surrogacy to build our family. A small sample of the really bizarre questions includes: Did your husband have intercourse with another woman and how are you OK with that?! Answer: *sips wine first* (A great perk of being an intended parent is that it is still an option.) Actually, my body cannot carry a pregnancy but we were able to create an embryo through in vitro fertilization (IVF). So for us to have a child we needed our wonderful gestational carrier, assisted reproductive technology to create and transfer the embryo— and a lot of money. Will the mother have visitation rights? Answer: The baby is biologically our child, which means we have full parental rights and I will be my future baby’s mother. Think of it as our bun that is just baking in another oven. A selfless and amazing oven, that is! Check-ups With a Gestational Carrier The finer details of your gestational carrier’s prenatal care is a topic that was likely worked out in the mass print of your gestational surrogacy agreement (GSA). (Check out What to Include in a Surrogacy Agreement) However, there are some non-traditional logistics to expect in regards to check-ups and her various appointments. Meeting Medical Service Providers It starts with meeting the people who will be overseeing your gestational carrier’s prenatal care and talking through their process of how they manage and communicate in a surrogacy pregnancy. When you do meet with the OB/GYN be aware that although they handle prenatal care routinely, surrogacy arrangements are very rare. This means that not all medical professionals will have a surrogacy policy in place. Also, because there are more people involved and invested in the care of the fetus, it can complicate things concerning communication. Your gestational carrier will likely see many providers within the practice, and not everyone will know or remember that this is a surrogacy pregnancy. They will always default to asking your gestational carrier questions about future gestational tests, birth plans, and other various prenatal care-related questions. As an intended parent, this can be frustrating. The best way to overcome these communication challenges is to make sure that your gestational carrier always requests that you are present during conversations that involve prenatal care (if possible) or that she simply indicates that this is a surrogacy pregnancy and the intended parents will need to provide their feedback in as it relates to fetal care decisions. As for disclosure of information, your gestational carrier will be filling out a HIPPA form that will allow you access to information regarding her care. This is both necessary and helpful to have in place for intended parents who may not be able to attend many of the appointments. Non-Baby-Related Issues May Warrant Discretion Discussing with your gestational carrier prior to pregnancy about her comfort level of you and/or your spouse attending prenatal appointments is key. Some intended parents want to be present and others cannot or simply prefer not to. Yes, you should know about any matters that can impact the health of your growing baby but be sure to give your gestational carrier some space and an opportunity to discuss the nitty-gritty details of her symptoms in a private setting with the overseeing provider. Hemorrhoids, yeast infections, middle of the night leg cramps and leaky bladders are examples of the many other not-so-fun physical changes that can occur during pregnancy. The Hospital Tour Might Be Awkward The hospital tour can be both exciting and rather awkward for intended parents. It is likely that your gestational carrier has a preferred hospital either because it is close to her home or because she has had previous experience with it. This also means that it is likely she has sat through a few tours already and it is not necessary for her to attend. This both makes sense and also can make the scenario slightly weird. Most tours are conducted in groups of expectant parents all who are visibly showing and waddling from room to room throughout the tour. As intended parents, you might stand out a bit and that’s OK! Explaining you are expecting via gestational carrier at the beginning of the

Fertility Treatment

Getting HER Pregnant: What Nobody Tells Intended Parents About Surrogate IVF

/

Prepare for some awkward moments, a whole lot of TMI, and a few things no one mentioned to you about the getting-her-pregnant part surrogacy. The intended parent(s) in this process can start by expecting the unexpected and knowing that there will be a myriad of things that may not have been mentioned on the dotted line of your surrogacy agreement. Here are 6 things to expect when preparing for your gestational carrier’s in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle. Read: What to Include in a Surrogacy Agreement Tests For Everyone! Preparing for the surrogacy transfer will require several appointments and multiple tests for the initial screening process. In the surrogacy screening process, if the intended mother or egg donor will contribute her egg(s) she will have to undergo specific testing to ensure she can withstand the physical toll that comes along with an IVF stimulation and retrieval. The overseeing fertility clinic will test both the intended mother and intended father or partner for Social Disease Testing. This includes STD panels and various bloodwork requirements as part of the US FDA regulations, no matter if the embryo has been previously frozen or if this surrogacy will undergo a fresh IVF transfer. As for that amazingly selfless gestational carrier, she will also have to undertake the full panel of Social Disease Testing as well as her spouse or partner. The process of gestational carrier screening is similar to a basic fertility workup. There is a lot of time, love, money, and hope invested in preparing for the best possible outcome, a healthy pregnancy, and resulting birth. These tests make sure that all parties involved are cleared for take-off, medically speaking. Embrace the TMI A topic of great discussion will be the nebulous prediction of menstrual cycles. If you have never been interested in another woman’s menstrual cycle, you will now! The IVF transfer date will be easier to forecast once your gestational carrier starts her period. This also will be the defining moment that prompts her to begin taking the recommended medications to prepare for the upcoming embryo transfer. This glorious day is called calendar day 1 and it is a day that the intended parents, gestational carrier, and the overseeing doctor are anxiously awaiting. Do You Like Drugs? Let’s rephrase that, do you like paying for extra fertility drugs? Your fertility medication protocol just doubled. If you choose to go through a fresh transfer cycle, then the intended mother or egg donor will need to take a specific protocol of stimulation medications. Your gestational carrier will also have her medication protocol. She will be required to take various medications that will help prepare her body for the transfer and likely will be asked by the overseeing fertility specialist to take these up until the end of the first trimester if the transfer results in a viable pregnancy. Both the increased expense of medications and the requirement to take additional medications after a confirmed pregnancy can be a surprise to both the intended parents and the gestational carrier. The Transfer Feels Clinical Sorry, no love ballads are being played to set the mood. This is where you will need to cheer on your gestational carrier. She will be tasked to fill her bladder until it is uncomfortably full. The doctor who is guiding the catheter with the embryo(s) will need to be sure that they are placing them in the ideal location. A full bladder, when viewed with an ultrasound, helps guide them. Once the embryo(s) are transferred, everyone will anxiously await the beta test 14 days later. It is a controlled process, but if the result of the transfer results in a positive pregnancy it is nothing short of a medical miracle to all involved. Emotions Are Elevated x2. Whatever your reason for choosing to build your family through the option of surrogacy, it is a safe assumption to state that this may not be how you envisioned growing your family. With that, comes a broad spectrum of intense emotions. Visiting a fertility clinic when trying to get her pregnant and not yourself or your partner, might dredge up a mixed bowl of feelings and even introduce new ones, such as guilt. Recognize it, and be kind to yourself through this process. Your gestational carrier will be working on her own set of elevated emotional challenges. It is an extreme amount of pressure and attention on a surrogate mother from day 1 to the day of your baby’s delivery. The fertility medications and pregnancy hormones just help escalate that to a new level of emotional complication. Recognizing what she may be experiencing and giving grace in times of stress goes a long way. Read: Fostering a Healthy Relationship With Your Gestational Carrier Call Me. Maybe? Finally, the two-week wait is over! In surrogacy terms, this might even feel a bit longer because now there are more people eagerly waiting for the news. So who calls whom to confirm the pregnancy results? The answer— it depends. It will fully depend on each fertility clinic’s protocol. Some clinics will default to who the patient is, whereas others will contact who the intended parents would be. If the order of who is in the know first is important to you or your gestational carrier then communication is the key. Ask your clinic before beginning your transfer protocol as to what their communication policy is for surrogacy partnerships. Also, consider talking to your gestational carrier too. Although we want more than ever to have all beta results be positive, the gestational carrier may not want to be in the position to have to be the voice of bad news if the transfer ends in a negative beta test. There is a lot more to surrogacy than what is in the textbooks. Knowing that each surrogacy partnership and situation is unique, and will undoubtedly come with its own set of challenges, will help you prepare for those no-one-told-me-this moments. And if your transfer is successful, the pregnancy

Scroll to Top